To my first Grandson

Dear Zachary,

Did I have a premonition?   It’s always easy to look back and say that I did.   I don’t know.   I was going to post a facebook comment to your mom’s profile saying something like I pray that Jesus would be in the hospital room with them, holding her hand and ready to receive the baby (that’s you) into His arms.  Then I thought better of it.   My Mom (that’s your great grandmother) wrote on my Dad’s obituary, “safe in the arms of Jesus”.   The connotation didn’t seem right.   So I changed my comment.

I was crying even before I heard the news of how sick you are.   Because the facebook comments seemed to suggest that a baby had been born but I had had no official proud parent announcement (------------------has been born, weighing 3.?kg, mother and baby doing well)   All sorts of dark thoughts were trying to gain ascendency in my mind.   I did remember how when your cousin, Emma, was born,  I knew that your aunt had gone into hospital but I was on a plane and I had to switch off my cell phone.  (they make you do that, you know, so that the cell phone signals don’t interfere with the communications of the plane.)   I had been imagining all the worst scenarios and how your uncle Steven would cope if he lost his wife and had a tiny baby to look after.   But it all turned out fine.   I tried to tell myself that all my fears were groundless.   After all, lots of new babies, especially early ones,  end up in a respirator.

The the SMS came from your dad.   “”Zachary Samuel Young was in distress for several hours (blood tests show) without oxygen or blood.   They say he will never breathe on his own, and will have massive brain damage.   Going to see him….”

It takes a while for a message like that to sink in.   I didn’t know what to do.

I have been reading a book called “the boy who came back from heaven” by Kevin Malarkey.   His 6 year old son was in a very serious car accident in which his spinal column was severed from his skull.   Doctors said he couldn’t possibly survive.   Six years later, he is still alive and is an inspiration to people all around the world.   During his 2 months in a coma, he was in heaven and can tell us a lot about it.   I haven’t got to much of that part yet.   I was inspired, however, how God used a tragedy to show His goodness, to bring people together.   I liked this quote from his father “My Dad doesn’t believe in the existence of a bad day.   I find that holding this philosophy makes a great difference in our state of contentment.   The tougher life became, the more good we saw in people and in God.   It’s possible to know peace and pain at the same time, believe it or not.   Life can be rough yet still feel right.   Even as I wept at times, I knew my family was aligned with the will of God.   I could say, with the old hymn, It is well with my soul……I am a child of God, destined for another world, a world before which this one pales into insignificance…”

In a way, I could say that God has been preparing me through this book and the one I read before “heaven is for real” to face this current trauma.

I have contacted everybody I know and asked them to pray for a miracle.   Miracles certainly happen today.   I don’t know whether God will grant this one, baby Zachary, but I trust him to do what is best.

Meanwhile, while I am crying uncontrollably every 5 minutes or so, the refrain going around and around in my mind is “yeah, yeah, God is good…”  Strange that.

Your dad recently sent another SMS saying that they had taken you off the respirator and had you with them in the room and that after 15 minutes you were still breathing.   What about that “will never breathe on his own'” story?   Are they right about the rest or has God already started answering our prayers?   I don’t know.

I don’t know if today will be your first and only day on earth.   If so, I’ll have to wait until I get to heaven before I meet you.   I will probably be the lady crying at everything and saying the wrong thing all the time.If God is merciful to us and answers our prayers for a miracle, I’ll see you next year about Christmas time.

Just know this, my grandson, we all love you very much and we know that Jesus loves you even more.   Granny